You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
