bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
