this just has baby written all over it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
