I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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