It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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