I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
