You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
