I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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