He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize