On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
