Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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