i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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