This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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