i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
