is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
Randomize
