Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
