I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
