Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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