woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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