You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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