So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
