I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I got inside last night via doggy door
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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