overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
