we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
