He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
