He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
