Can i not drive my cunt home
My friends, they love my intelligence
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
