dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
