Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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