how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
