Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
