i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
