Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
