Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
