my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
