how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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