i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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