Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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