can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
