Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
