I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
