my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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