New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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