Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
