On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
