she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
