but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
