A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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