My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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