her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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