i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is my gift to your gina
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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