I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
