dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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