When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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