i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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