We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
