i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
