My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
