Someone shit on the floor
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
