I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
