Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
