My first STD was from a foam party
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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