Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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