sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
