If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
