ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
