Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
