worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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