shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
