Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
