Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
