hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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